The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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