Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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