Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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