strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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