I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
