I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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