Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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