just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
