Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
