Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I would ride that face into the sunset
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
