I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
