you would pick up someone in the library
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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