I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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