Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
