HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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