My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
