if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
