If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
