Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
