Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
