Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
