GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
