Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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