guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
