She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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