just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
