If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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