we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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