I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We got so high we made milksteak
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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