walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
