mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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