the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
