She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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