make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
