What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
