His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
