he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
