it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think I sprained my soul last night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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