u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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