i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
