My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
