my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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