Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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