erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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