love makes seman taste better
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
