Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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