No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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