2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
