its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
