Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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