Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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