I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
