i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
